Some time ago I came across an article on the internet that says we are the disposable generation and I couldn’t agree more! We use and then we toss. And, that goes for anything and anyone. Marriages are being treated like iPhones and divorce is the updated IOS! Dallin H Oaks said “We live in a world in which the whole concept of marriage is in peril and where divorce is commonplace.” why is it so easy for one to give up on their marriage. Now I’m not talking about the few cases where the marriage is dead and all hope for reconciliation is gone nor for those cases where either spouse abandons the marriage. I’m simply referring to the men and women who see divorce as an escape or a way to fix their problems with their spouse. Study has shown that those who leave their marriage in hopes of finding happiness elsewhere are usually worse off than those who stay in an unhappy marriage. Why? Because happiness is a state of mind and oftentimes we can change the current state of our marriages just by understand what happiness is instead of seeking to find it elsewhere.
If, however, you feel that a divorce is necessary President Faust suggests that you ask yourself these three questions.
1. Are the marital problems you’re facing being prolonged?
President Faust counsels that spouses should not seek a divorce without a lengthy period to attempt to repair or reduce serious problems. More often than not, we feel that it is okay for us to decide on a divorce in the moment of hurt and anger. Some research suggests that many who divorce have regrets about their divorce later. Believe it or not, my husband and I do have our disagreements. There have been times where we wouldn’t speak to each other for a while but the day never passes without us finding that time to settle our differences. We always find the time to talk and express our hurt but honestly most times we usually laugh it off and trust me it feels so good to take that time to reconnect and reconcile. Could you imagine if in that short moment where we were both filled with anger and pride that one decision could have ended our ‘forever’?
2. Is the relationship irredeemable?
This is where you have to be completely honest with yourself. Have you done all that you can to make your marriage work? Some research suggests that most couples do not seek counseling before they get a divorce. If there’s ever a time to seek out a second opinion on the matter of divorce it should be from a professional counselor and a religious leader Unfortunately your in-laws or your friend who occasionally reads articles on the internet doesn’t count. In (Genesis 3:19), God tells Adam in order to eat he has to work. I apply this same principle to marriage, if we want to enjoy the feast of happiness and joy then it means we have to work at it.
3. Is my dignity being destroyed?
It is so imperative for us to learn ourselves in our younger years. Date and set standards so that we know how we should be treated and how we should treat our spouse. However, this does not mean that we should set unrealistic expectations. Whenever my husband and I disagree, we never raise our voices, call each other names nor put our hands on each other. We both recognize the responsibility we have to protect each other. There are far too many instances when one’s basic human dignity or safety, as well as children’s well-being, is put in jeopardy by a destructive marital relationship. Spousal abuse comes with poor mental and physical help. I know sometimes we would like to work it out for our children but when children are witnesses to ongoing high levels of marital conflict, research suggests that most are better off if their parents’ divorce (Snyder et al,2007).
You can experience the type of happiness and joy that can only be found in a marriage but you have to work for it. As you grow individually you also grow together with your spouse. So, before you get a divorce, please consider these three questions.